had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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