i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
