Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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