he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
