Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
