I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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