Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
