Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
