and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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