I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
