she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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