how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He passed out mid-signature
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
