i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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