is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
