Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
