so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
