he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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