There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
