Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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