the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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