You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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