I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
