Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
