how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
