you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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