the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
