Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
