my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
