Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
