Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
