I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
