your thong is hanging out like whoa
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
