you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
