i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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