Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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