Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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