We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
