I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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