i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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