When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
