well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
