he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
