at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
