Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
