oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
