i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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