Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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