Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
