i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
