You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
